I love when a fun, new book comes along that makes you think, laugh, judge, ponder and  change how you present yourself to the world. My prolific and talented writer friend, Pamela Redmond Satran has just published such a book, as if the title alone didn’t tell you everything you needed to know. It’s called HOW NOT TO ACT OLD: 185 WAYS NOT TO PASS FOR PHAT, SICK, HOT, DOPE, AWESOME, OR AT LEAST NOT TOTALLY LAME (Harper Paperbacks).

My copy is on order from Amazon, which keeps my young/cool quotient safe for the time being… notice I didn’t say that I put it on reserve at the library or was going to wait for my aunt to pass along her friend’s copy?

Oh, and I’m blogging about it too, which gets me extra credit. Blogging is very young, as opposed to discussing a book over a bridge game at someone named Gertie’s house.

Who is this book for? I think you know who you are. Do you still watch “Seinfeld” and “Mash” reruns and expect everyone to discuss last night’s episodes over the water cooler? Do you boast about how you returned your cell phone to the store because it didn’t have a dial tone and think people will find you adorable? Do you call flight attendants stewardesses and servers waitresses? Do you leave messages instead of voice mails (not that they’ll be returned anyway). It’s all bad, bad, bad. Get with the program, dude. You need this book, lest you get hijacked and put in the Smithsonian.

Here are a few of Pamela’s jewels of how not to act old:

Hair: Don’t go gray, chop it off, or think products are too fancy. Hair takes up 50% of your head. Make the most of it.

Celebrities: Dump your Clooney crush for some cool reality star, don’t admit you’ve never heard of Ginnifer, Audrina, Leighton and Penn, or act shocked that Madonna is 50. If you don’t want to actually buy a celebrity rag, at least read the headlines while you’re waiting at the supermarket check out

Dieting: Do it and get over it-it’s depressing for people to think you never indulge’; don’t worry about feeding the family- give them money to buy what they like and cancel the dinner party- who are you? Martha Stewart?

In celebration of this outrageously fun book, I’d like to add a few of my own no-no’s that date us back to the days when, well, we dated:

• High blood pressure, cholesterol and lasik surgery are not what young people discuss over dinner. Save those scintillating topics for your doctor and talk about an interesting blog you read (like mine, for instance)
• Don’t stock your fridge with fat-free cheese, dairy-free milk, something yellow resembling butter and ice cream that is less tasty than the container. Your kids will never come over (although if the idea is to get rid of the freeloaders, by all means stock up)
• Don’t kvetch that the technology is just too too much and you wish they would stop inventing things… where would we be without IPODS, Tivo, BlackBerrys, GPS’s, digital cameras and cars that put the breaks on for you if you’re in traffic and dozing (how cool is THAT?)? I say bring it on, just give me directions that don’t need U.N. interpreters.
• Finally, don’t begin sentences with In my day…. You hated when your parents and grandparents did that, do you really want to sound like them? Begin each sentence with Yo! Dude! Waz up… no, just kidding. You don’t want to sound 60 trying to sound 16. Just be yourself as long as you don’t embarrass your kids.

And great, late breaking news. HOW NOT TO ACT OLD  just hit the New York Times Best Seller List (Lucky # 7 no less).  Get your first edition ASAP. Check out the website www.hownottoactold.com

About the Youthful Author
Pamela Redmond Satran is the author of five novels and the coauthor of many bestselling baby name books, as well as the creator of nameberry.com. A columnist for Glamour, she writes frequently for the New York Times, The Daily Beast, and The Huffington Post. She lives not all that far from Brooklyn and plans to act thirty-three forever.